i always have a way of screwing things up. sighz. Well heres the situation. There is this particular guy, who's somewhat my friend. Ok, jus a few months back, we were talking, and now we aint even on talking terms. Ok, lets jus say, he was interested in me, and he liked me. And rumours started flying tt we were an item, tt we were attached. The fact is i never did like him, but only as a friend, and i did not like those rumours at all. It made me awkward and uncomfortable to be with him. So i decided so avoid him. It was a subconcious act at first, but den i began to really conciously avoid him. I was playing with his phone one day, when i discovered he kept this folder, esp dedicated to me. Every single message i had ever sent to him, even the lame ones like " yar" or "maybe lor" ( replies to smses) he had kept! It was a rude shock, coz its abit scary to be scrolling down the phone and discovering all hundred of the messages have your name on them.
like
Dawn
Dawn
Dawn
Dawn
Dawn
Dawn..
u get the idea. To make things worse, mine were the only messages he had kept..he did not keep anyone else's . i know i should not have played with him phone, or not i would not have discovered this. But i guess it did freak me out, coz i felt like i was being "watched" . You know i felt as if my privacy was being invaded. i know i was being paranoid and carrying things too far, but i couldn't help the uncomfortable and uneasy feeling i got. I guess its partially my fault coz i shouldnt have thought this way, but i just felt as if my boundaries were being trespassed upon..like ..i dunno.
ok so now, its a month later, and i kinda feel stupid for avoiding him. Coz as a result of me avodiing him, and ignoring him completely ( like not even willing to make eye contact or say hi) i have made him avoid me! Ok.. so its dumb. i start off by avoiding him, and now he ends off my avoiding me. Ok, i never liked him romantically, but i did like him AS A FRIEND, and now its too late. now i realise how mad i have been. So i message him. But he's still pissed coz i guess i hurt him too much. And i apologise for my stupidity, but its too late coz he won't listen, and well, he's just gonna continue ignoring me!! What shall i do?? oh no.. why do things always have to happen this way!!! its a standard pattern. i am good frends with the guy. then we become close frends. And wen i find out he likes me, den i start avoiding him.i get this sense of repulsion towards him. then after a period of avoiding him, then i realise my mistake, then i start wanting to talk, to be frends again, but by that time its too late coz its the guy's turn to ignore me!!! what do i do?? i really dunno how la..i have really majorly screwed things up..
i need to change.. but how can i change the way i feel?